Morty's Cabin - It's Beginning To Sound A Lot Like.....Well, You Know What!

By Gary Pig Gold

Ahhh, Christmas! That magical time of year when we share love,
presents, and our special musical tastes – both good and bad. Like
those mounted singing bass sold down at Wal-Mart, seasonal music is an
acquired, personal taste that says more about the listener than the
actual music.
Always nosy, Gary Pig Gold and his frosty Yule pal Ken Burke decided
to ask their many music-minded acquaintances the following questions.

1) Which seasonal / Christmas recording do you never tire of hearing?
What's special about it?

2) Which seasonal / Christmas recording irritates you?

Guess what they said?

Greg Loescher, editor, Goldmine magazine

1) "White Christmas," for sure. Having snow on Christmas is just the
best and this song just says it all. Plus this particular song was
around before I was born and conjures up simpler times (or at least
what seems like simpler times). I also had the pleasure of hearing the
Drifters' Bill Pinkney's version, which is better than Bing Crosby's,
live at The Vocal Group Hall Of Fame's induction concert back in 1998.
He walked through the crowd singing it a capella. Not a creature was
stirring. Incredible.

2) Any of the Chipmunks songs. No explanation needed, is there?!

Dick Dale, King Of The Surf Guitar

1) "…chestnuts roasting on a Christmas fire...."

Lane Steinberg, of the Manhattan lounge-pop duo Tan Sleeve

1) I really like "Christmas Wrapping" by The Waitresses. It's not
sappy like 99% of Christmas songs. It has a great perspective and a
cool production. I also like "The Christmas Song" by Mel Torme (though
it's totally played out), because it has the most sophisticated chord
changes of the holiday season.

2) For some reason, "Jingle Bell Rock" always makes me think of child
molestation in a small town.

Al Muzer, New Jersey music journalist extrodinaire

1 and 2) Least and most favorite are one and the same: Don Charles
Presents The Singing Dogs’ "Jingle Bells" b/w "Oh! Susanna." Led by
tenor-bark Rex with Spot, Fluffy and Brown Dog on backing yelps, yips,
growls and howls, The Singing Dogs add that little something extra to
this oft-covered holiday staple that elevates the tune to a whole new
level. The group’s spirited reworking of Stephen Foster’s "Oh!
Susanna" in their distinctive staccato ‘n’ growl style gives the tune
the lonesome, high plains spirit the author undoubtedly had in mind
when composing it. Despite a slew of records by such fly-by-night acts
as The Meowing Kitties, The Oinking Pigs, Bessie and the Barn Animals,
The Black Sheep, and a first-rate reissue from the genre’s original war
horse, Mr. Ed, The Singing Dogs remain the true masters of the singing
animals idiom.

Nanci Malek, Toronto-based (but Hamilton-TRAINED) Canadian music
promoter

1) Bing Crosby/David Bowie's version of “Little Drummer Boy.” It is
just a beautiful melding of voices.

2) The Chipmunks’ version of “Jingle Bells” …you need to ask why???

Mick Hargreaves, the surfing Ghost Rocket

1) "Christmas Wrapping” by The Waitresses. EXCELLENT bass line and,
just like "Strawberry Fields," it has a lyric about cranberry sauce.

2) That one by Bruce Springsteen, and, not that I need a reason, but
one reason is because there's a vocal part by almost-N.Y. Jet Clarence
Clemons.

Mr. Mike, of Orange County, California's one and only SparkleJets U.K.

1) The first Johnny Mathis Christmas album. The one where he's got
the skis in one hand and the ski poles in the other. It just wouldn't
be Christmas to me without it. It's one of many we'd play in our house
when I was a kid and was always our family favorite. Still is. A
perfect mix of joy, beauty, wonderment, a really nice string section,
and a nice echo chamber. A few runners up would be the one by The
Lettermen, and of course the amazing one by The Beach Boys, that had I
knew it as a child would probably be my Number One. Let's also not
forget Martin Newell's "Christmas in Suburbia" which although it's not
traditional (or even positive) is very, very evocative. Plus, Mr.
Newell LOOKS like Christmas. Harry Belafonte made some great records
too.

2) Anything with ROCK ‘N’ ROLL on it, especially that Jimmy Iovine
"Very Special Christmas" crap. YUCK! Christmas should always remind
you of how great it was to be a kid, so I like to surround myself with
nostalgic warm fuzzy things at Christmas time. Isn't that why we all
do it? Those old records are the soundtrack of those times, and I
think they nail the feeling of it. The 50’s, in my opinion, WERE
Christmas: cookies and parties and lights around the house. We don't
get snow in California so we have to drum up the spirit with choice
tuneage. The more traditional the better at my house. I love those
old background singers too. Wow.

Lord Litter, singer / songwriter / international DJ

1) VERY easy to answer: It's “Bluegrass Christmas” by Haywire (Gene
Parsons on guitar, banjo). The only Christmas recording ever really
TALKING to me. Didn’t even like Roy Wood's Christmas tunes or Slade's
monster smash “Merry Christmas Everybody.” “Bluegrass Christmas”
definitely captures best the real spirit of “nature, peace, a silent
night.” This is pure, this is real, PEACE. Can't praise this enough
!!!

2) All others. None of them recaptures the SPIRIT.

Robert Pally, Swiss freelance journalist

1) "Silent Night" is my favorite Christmas recording. It reminds me
on how beautiful Christmas was when I was young. And it gets me in the
right mood for it. I am a hopeless romantic.

2) It’s not a special song; it’s more the fact that certain artists
bring out every year a Christmas album only to make a few bucks. I
still believe in the true meaning of Christmas, which doesn't have
anything to do with making money.

Chris Chinchilla, former Mike Love of the only (authorized) Canadian
Beach Boy clone combo Endless Summer (est. 1985)

1) "What Child Is This," set to the ancient “Greensleeves,” when sung
softly and tenderly, in a slow waltz, maybe played on a harpsichord,
maybe a bit of flute, with a bit of Rubato, building in volume in the
second half of the verse. Never leaves a dry eye in the house
...including yours truly. (Try singing it to your gals, guys, and your
“X”mas will be very merry I predict.)

2) "Here Comes Santa Claus." I personally get a nauseous feeling in
the pit of my stomach whenever I hear this song. To me the melody and
overly chirpy bounciness of this song is especially aggravating during
the busy Christmas season. It's like one of those PR type people, who
say "GREAT!" no matter what you ask them. Also, mixing God and Santa
in the same rhyming couplet is a bit too much for this existentialist.
"Let's give thanks to the Lord our God, 'cuz Santa Clause comes
tonight" (ugh)

George Makovic of Rock Beat International magazine

1) Secular: "I'll be home for Christmas"
Spiritual: "Hark the Herald Angels Sing"
Or maybe that one that goes, "bring a torch for Queen Isabella, bring a
torch move swiftly along..."

Mike McDowell, editor/publisher of Blitz Magazine

1) I never get tired of Bobby Helms' "Jingle Bell Rock." Although not
really reflective of the true spirit of Christmas, it's got that
timeless almighty hook like two other records that broke around the
same time: Danny And The Juniors' "At The Hop" and the Silhouettes'
"Get A Job." Records like those three hold up remarkably well under
repeat plays.

2) On the other hand, overkill has taken all of the joy out of Nat
King Cole's "The Christmas Song." Lately, I've found the recent
classic "Mary, Did You Know" (done by such diverse types as Kenny
Rogers, Donny Osmond and Barry McGuire) to be much more in line with
what Christmas is really all about.

Bill Lloyd, formerly of Foster & Lloyd and currently SO much more

1) Fave Christmas song would have to be "The Christmas Song" written
by Mel Torme. Even though Alex Chilton did a nice rendition, Nat King
Cole's version is flawless.

2) "The Twelve Days of Christmas" comes to mind as being one of the
most irritating holiday classics. It reminds me of "100 Bottles of
Beer On the Wall."

Bruce “Mole” Mowat, father of Hamilton, Ontario, Canada rock journalism

1) The Big Star version of "Jesus Christ." Shimmers without a trace
of guile …unlike the “Bach's Bottom” version.

2) Anything jazz-ish by Perry Como: reminders of why rock 'n' roll was
necessary in the '50s.

Elizabeth Walsh, bassist and cruise director for Una Pong

1) "Blue Christmas," as sung by Elvis Presley. Oh wow - the song is
terrific, the performance is great, the arrangement is just goopy
enough without going over board. Second place goes to that Chipmunk
Christmas song, mainly because it's the only Christmas carol with the
word "hula hoop" in it. I had the single when I was five, and used to
play it over and over and over and over; I think my parents burned it.

2) Those dogs singing "Jingle Bells." Cute for the first ten seconds
-- fiendishly irritating thereafter. I think they're the ones who told
David Berkowitz to go out and kill people.

Robert Barry Francos, founding editor of the legendary Ffanzeen fanzine
(est. 1978)

1) Favorite? "A Christmas Carol," by Tom Lerher: “Christmas time is
here by golly, Disapproval would be folly, Deck the halls with hunks of
holly, Fill the cup and don't say when, Murder ducks, geese and
chickens, It's time to roll out the Dickens, Even though the prospect
sickens, Brother, Here we go again. At Christmas time you can't get
sore, Your fellow man you must adore, There's time to rob him all the
more, The other 364. Relations sparing no expense will, Give some
useless old utensil, Or a matching pen and pencil, "Just the thing I
need, how nice." It doesn't matter how sincere it is, Or how heartfelt
the spirit, Sentiment will not endear it, What's important is... the
price. "Hark the Herald Tribute” sing, Telling sales of wonderous
things." "God rest ye merry merchants, May you make the Yuletime pay.
Angels we have heard on high/Tell us to go out and buy." So, let the
raucous sleighbells jingle, Here comes our good friend, Kris Kringle,
Dashing his reindeer across the sky ...Don't stand underneath when they
fly by.

2) Least favorite: "Little Drummer Boy," especially the Bowie/Crosby
version. Yeeeeeeeeeeeccccccccckkkkkkkkk.

our very own Marty Murray

1) What I can say is that I still enjoy Bruce Springsteen's "Santa
Claus Is Coming To Town" because a) it rocks!, and b) it reminds me
of the best concert I ever went to in my life: Bruce at Seneca College
gymnasium on the second last date of his "Born To Run" tour in 1975.
The first time I heard that song was at that show, as the concert was
on December 21st. I drove through bad weather to get there, but it was
well worth the trip. When they started calling Bruce "the future of
rock ‘n’ roll," I could believe it at the time.

2) One odd thing I've found at Christmas, but everybody tries to cash
in on the financial benefits of recording a Christmas album. To me it
seems strange that there could be no other motivation for artists such
as Neil Diamond, who is Jewish, to record a Christmas album? I'm not
sure which others there are, but I'm sure there are several. Has
Barbra ever done a Christmas album? I can't picture myself recording
an album of Muslim holiday tunes, so why would someone who is not
Christian, does not even believe in Christ, record an album of
Christian holiday music, except to cash in on the big bucks?

Betsy Palmer, ever-devoted promo vixen of Bomp! Records USA

1) It's a tie: Johnny Mathis and Elvis ...reminds me of Mom.

2) “Sing Along With Mitch Miller” ...reminds me of Mom.

Chris Martin, CKUA Radio Network

1) "Adeste Fidelis" (aka "Oh Come All Ye Faithful)". I like any of
the carols that stem from classical music.

2) "I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa" is tied with "Jingle Bell Rock."
Pretty much anything relating to Santa bugs the heck out of me.

Marc Bristol, editor, Blue Suede News magazine

1) "Please Come Home For Christmas" or "Merry Christmas Baby" by
Charles Brown, and others who've recorded them. Excellent songs;
non-traditional and non-religious.

2) "Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer." Bad singing. Clever, but
not very clever lyrics. I saw an item on TV news several years ago
about a four year old (about) who had this for his favorite song. Then
one afternoon a young deer came charging out of the woods near his
house and pummeled him with it's hooves in his driveway. He changed
his mind about the song, too. I think the deer (and Elmo, too) just
wanted to play. This happened in Kent, Washington, I think.

Dale Hawkins, oh “Suzie Q" !!

1) “White Christmas.” What's special about it? Clyde McPhatter and
The Drifters, with Clyde doing the high vocals (“…I Y I Y Y Y Y Y'm
dreaming of a white Christmas.”)

2) I really can’t think of any! Why? IT'S CHRISTMAS!

Wanda Jackson, the Queen of Rockabilly

1) Anne Murray’s "Christmas Wishes." I have "Merry Christmas From
Elvis" is what I have. George Strait’s "Merry Christmas Strait To
You." Kenny G, I love his Christmas album. I love choir groups.

2) I think it’s wonderful that they play the Christmas music, and
sometimes I’m fearful that they’ll stop – things have become so
secular. I’m a Christian and I’d like to hear more of the songs about
Christ, which is what Christmas is all about. All I hear is "Frosty,"
"Rudolph" and all that stuff.

James Richard Oliver of Illbilly Records

1) Elvis doing “Blue Christmas.” My mom used to put that record on
every Christmas. It wasn’t officially Christmas ‘til we heard it. My
sister and I would do our little mock-Elvis lip quivering, but we loved
it just as much as she did. I think about her whenever I hear it.

2) I’d have to say that’s a ties between those damn dogs barking
“Jingle Bells” and that godforsaken “Grandma Got Run Over By A
Reindeer.” I’m not sure exactly who’s responsible for either one, but
they should be punished. They should have to work in a mall the two
weeks before Christmas while constantly listening to each other’s song.

David Wheatley, the artist currently known as Daza

1) Jimi Hendrix, "Silent Night." His version pulls out the pain of
entire year leading up to Christmas before you get to the silent night.
Kind of like life, with one moment of peace to look forward to. I dig
the pain; lets it out.

2) Any song pretending that there is anything "nice" and "sweet" about
Jesus. I hate cute, and cute worship propaganda is irritating.

Steven Rappaport, genius behind the 1963 Top Twenty smash "The Martian
Hop" by the legendary RanDells!

1) “Jingle Bell Rock,” the Bobby Helms version. Great song, great
vocalist for the song, very happy. The bridge works terrifically - I
like the change from major (What a bright time) to minor (It's the
right time) and back to major (To rock the night away). Next time
around it goes to a 7th (Is a swell time). It's harmonically great.
But it's the happy sound that really makes the song for me. "Rockin’
Around the Christmas Tree," Brenda Lee. Anything Little Miss Dynamite
sang was OK with me. Killer voice. But I also liked what I think are
steel guitar riffs. "White Christmas," Darlene Love. Phil Spector
production, totally original arrangement, great voice. Best second
version of the song: The Drifters.

2) Worst Christmas record: by far, The Royal Guardsmens’ "Snoopy's
Christmas." Also, I hate to say it, but Roy Orbison's "Pretty Paper"
is yucky, as is Vic Dana's "Little Alter Boy." Gag me with a reindeer.

Gene Sculatti of Billboard magazine

1) I guess anything off Bobby Darin's "25th Day Of December" album
("Child Of God" was the single) or the Four Seasons' version of "Santa
Claus Is Coming To Town" are the ones I never tire of hearing …but then
I'm the only one who plays 'em, so I guess it makes sense. Their
specialness, I suppose, is that they both come from back in my day and
that, in the long lost way only early-60s pop can, they each "rock."

2) Can't really think of which seasonal song tires me (it's not that I
love 'em all; rather, nothing really riles).

Alan Clayson, chansonnier, pop historian and erstwhile leader of
Clayson and the Argonauts

1) "The Moonlight Skater" by Alan Clayson. Because a recent remake
(with a new arrangement and a specially composed bridge section) would
satisfy every qualification of a Christmas Number One if issued in time
for the December sell-in when the usual chart rues don't apply, and you
can get away with the ravages of middle age. Over the past ten years,
it's been covered by Dave Berry, Jane Relf, and Stairway.

2) "Happy Christmas (War Is Over)" by John and Yoko, because,
regardless of the time of year and its worthy sentiment, I hate it for
the same intangible reasons as I hate "I Got You Babe" (Sonny and Cher)
and "March Of The Mods" (Joe Loss). The fault for this is probably
mine entirely.

Beverly Paterson of Twist And Shake magazine

1) I never tire of hearing “Snoopy's Christmas” by The Royal
Guardsmen. It brings back good memories of when I was younger than
yesterday and besides, it IS The Royal Guardsmen. That alone qualifies
for a classic of any stripe!

2) “Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer” irritates the egg nog out of
me. It isn't even funny. An insult to our kindly grandmothers and
those groovy reindeers that make things happen!

Alan Abramowitz, on-air host forever of the syndicated cable music
series "Video Wave"

1) That Ronettes song, "Sleighbells ring...."

2) Just about EVERTHING else.

Johnny Dowd, whose latest and greatest album, "Cruel Words," is now far
out on the esteemed Bongo Beat label

1) "Little Drummer Boy." Great drumming.

2) "Jingle Bell Rock." I don't think you should mix rock 'n' roll and
Christmas.

meet Ed James, power pop musician:

1) "You're A Mean One Mr. Grinch!" by the Whirling Dervishes. It's so
dang cool, and it rocks. I wish I would have covered it. I could
listen to it year-round. Metallica only wishes they were this cool.

2) Anything sung by Kathie Lee Gifford. Do you really have to ask?

Jason Frederick, Los Angeles-based (but Hamilton, Ontario,
Canada-raised!) arranger/orchestrator/producer

1) I've always been fond of "I'll Be Home for Christmas." I love the
bittersweet; always have. That's the one that, for me, takes the big
left turn into the Twilight Zone of bittersweet that no other popular
Christmas songs do. Sure, you can be dreaming of a White Christmas
like the ones you used to know. That's fine. Or anticipating
Christmas day while soaking up the positive energy of the city as you
hear the Silver Bells. Great. But saying that you'll be home for
Christmas, planning for all the fantastic warmth of the holiday season
and all that you miss so much with complete certainty that it's going
to be a reality, and THEN, admitting to yourself that "only in my
dreams" will it probably happen. That gets me every time. Such
strength in remaining positive when it's just so clear that it most
certainly won't. No matter how often I hear that song, it still gets
me right here, that sense that even through the sweetness, all is
pretty much lost. Much like "The Green Green Grass of Home," it's got
drama, suspense, a little romance, tragedy, and a surprise ending.
It's an epic Christmas song.

2) As for ones I can't stand, I heard a lot of the "Millennium Mix" of
Kenny G performing "Auld Lang Syne" last year. I can't say it's bad,
because I’m sure it accomplishes exactly what Mr. g wanted it to, but
it sure was irritating.

Iñaki Orbezua , editor, Otoño Cheyenne magazine

1) Basically, there are two Christmas recordings that I never tire of
hearing, year after year, and those are Spector's Christmas album (an
obvious one I know, but I just love this one record so much ...and
because it's like the first concept album in the Pop era, and I kinda
like concept albums) and the second one is by a Spanish singer by the
name of Raphael: his classic “Four Christmas Songs” EP (an excellent
version of “The Little Drummer Boy” in Spanish) from the mid-60's will
never be absent from my turntable on Christmas time. This guy is still
singing today, he must be around 55-50 years old, and is now singing on
the Jekyll and Mr. Hyde musical here in Spain. He's awesome!!!

2) I could name quite a few Spanish artists that make horrible
Christmas music, but then again when I think of people like Michael
Bolton and Mariah Carey doing those IRRITATING Christmas albums... then
I wish it was summer again!

Paul Autry, editor, Half Creeper magazine

1) Don't know the title of it, but my favorite Christmas album is the
one by "Dr. Dirty" John Valdy. I never tire of that album and, it
might also have the pleasure of being the most annoying Christmas album
as well …especially since my wife totally hates it. She's not one for
filthy, crude and obscene Christmas songs, and what really annoys her
is the fact that our children walk around the house singing "Jingle
Balls!"

2) Even though I have the 45 (record...might be worth something!), I
think the most annoying holiday song is "Grandma Got Run Over By A
Reindeer." That song's retarded.

Roy Harper, editor, Outer Shell magazine

1) The best version of any Christmas song is The Ronettes' version of
“Sleigh Ride.” While it holds true to the feeling of girl-rock in the
Sixties, it also makes the listener “uplifted” not just with a
Christmas feeling, but generally; the whole winter season. It is
brilliantly arranged, and could very well be Phil Spector's finest
production.

2) The WORST Christmas song is “Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer.”
It was “cute” hearing it for the first time, but after that it's boring
and stupid. I'd rather hear the barking dogs’ Christmas song.

Jeffrey Glenn of The Retros

1) I've loved The Royal Guardsmens’ "Snoopy's Christmas" since I first
heard the original 45 in 1968. A great, anthemic (and very catchy)
chorus with nice use of bells and horns and the kind of harmonies that
it seems every band could pull off in the Sixties at will (but which
precious few seem to be able to now) make this a very memorable song
for me. Of course the "asking peace of all the world and goodwill to
man" sentiment is universal, and the related anti-war subtext works
because it's not directly stated (although I wouldn't have caught that
at the time - I was only been nine). I just love it! I also really
love "Christmas Wish" by NRBQ.

2) This is easy! "Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer" (by Elmo &
Patsy, of course) has got to be the most crass, stupid, and downright
unlistenable abominations ever to hit the Christmas airwaves! Talk
about appealing to the lowest common denominator! It makes you feel
inbred just listening to it! Naturally, it's one of the most played
Christmas songs now. Go figure.

Shane Faubert of To M’Lou Music

1) There seems to have been a Christmas song by Kenny Laguna that I
heard once, really liked and never heard again (was it a dream?) but we
won't count that. “Little Drummer Boy” by Joan Jett is my favorite of
the songs I actually hear on commercial radio, but the Christmas song I
love the most is (of course?) “I Wish It Could Be Christmas Everyday”
by Wizzard. It has a great melody, but what I really LOVE about it is
the fact that it is so incredibly messy. You can't get tired of it
because you can never hear it all... lots of layers and swirls. Nutty
and perfect.

2) The David Bowie/Bing Crosby duet of “Little Drummer Boy/Peace on
Earth” is pretty bothersome. Reminded us that David Bowie really WAS
Anthony Newley's successor after all.

Lisa Mychols of The Masticators

1) Well, it used to be "Do You Hear What I Hear" until ”We Are The
World” came out and got completely overplayed! Burned me out on what
WAS my fave Christmas song! Now it is "What Child Is This!" Again...
“Greensleeves”? The melody is all about chills, and it is constantly
moving like a rollercoaster! It's graceful and powerful.

2) “Blue Christmas” ...sorry to all ye Elvis Fans, but that background
part really bothers me! Always has. My mom would play that album and
I would hold my hands over my ears and run around the house holding my
breath. Why holding my breath, I don't know. I was a little weird too.

Marty Wombacher, editor, Fishwrap magazine

1) "Helter Skelter." That song always makes me think of Christmas
...and also of chopped up impregnated actresses.

2) “The Twelve Days Of Christmas.” Hello? Christmas is only one day
long. Like, DUH!!

Lach, Father of the NYC anti-folk scene, and current proprietor of
Fortified Records as well

1) "Blue Christmas" is the first to come to mind. Elvis still had a
little bit of the other-wordly unknown radio sound. It's embracing and
lonesome at the same time. I also like the Joni Mitchell "Comin' On
Christmas" from the “Blue” album. Hell, I just like sad Christmas
songs.

2) Maybe Bruce's. It was fun the first year but now it's got a ton of
Corporation radio fucking it up the ass.

Mark Johnson, whose 1992 "12 in a room" album all but kick-started the
entire Pop music renaissance

1) "The Chipmunk Song." Why? Because "we can hardly stand the wait"
always sounded like "we've been hoggish and 'go wayne' (my best
friend's name at the time was Wayne) …that's all that mistaken rock
lyric stuff I'm into. But REALLY, FOLKS...what a record! Really: it
was Number One, original, and a great melody. I don't hear it enough
at Christmas time! The B-side was a song called "Almost Good," or that
may have been the B-side to Alvin's orchestra. Let’s hear it for David
Seville. HE WAS IN REAL WINDOW!!! Played a frustrated songwriter!

2) I tire most of modern attempts to put over Christmas music by
people who just think it's good to do for their careers and do bad
things the rest of the year. You can always tell who they might be.

Linda Gail Lewis, Jerry Lee’s sister and Van Morrison’s sometime
singing partner

1) I think it’s Nat King Cole’s "Chestnuts Roasting On An Open Fire."
There’s just something about that song; his voice is so beautiful and
the song is so beautiful. It reminds me of being at home on Christmas
and being with my parents; they’re deceased now. It reminds me of
that time in my life when me and my brother, my sister, and my parents
were all together.

2) I’m such a big Christmas person and I love Christmas music so much,
I don’t even know if there’s one that exists like that. I get so in to
all that. I was talking to Van about it the other night and he was
saying how he dreads this time of year and I’m saying, "Oh, it’s the
greatest thing in the world! We can watch Scrooge and “Miracle On 34th
Street." I love all that stuff so much. The biggest speeding ticket I
ever got came when I was driving my kids back from somewhere one night
and we were singing Christmas carols. I was making like 90 miles an
hour, I kept going faster and faster because the carols were getting
faster and faster. I talked that highway patrolman into giving me a
ticket that said I was making 75 or something, or else they would’ve
taken my insurance away. I said, "I was singing Christmas carols,
please don’t do this to me." The Singing Cats are the only thing. My
husband’s niece has that damned recording and I don’t like her anyway –
and you can quote me on that. Some times we have to get together with
her because it’s one of those things you have to do, and that bitch
will put that damned thing on. It’s horrible: "Meow meow meow, meow
meow meow, meow meow meow…" It’s really bad.